I wanna blame you

I wanna blame you
For I think
You took away my ability
To think

But as I think
Did I even have it in the first place?
Cause had I
I wouldn’t be blaming you.

But I wanna blame you
For you can’t speak
Can’t complain about it.
But could it be the only reason?
As you were my resting shoulder
Until I found someone like me
Afraid and clueless\

Did I ever hate you?
At least envied you
You always had an answer for everything
Until you didn’t.

Was I too stupid to ask for an answer?
For the question seemed very idiosyncratic.
Until, you answered and I didn’t like it.
How peculiar of me?

You had your own quagmire
And I had my very own.
Hallucinations for you,
Rumination for me.
The difference?
You would take a bullet for me
And I would be happy seeing you fail.

You would do the thinking.
Thinking for me.
You and I were same, or were we?
I had a best friend and you didn’t.

I am disgusted by you
For you echo back the parts
Parts I abominated
Not because of you.

I wanna blame you
Till you comfort me,
Heal the wounds,
Pander me.

But when you blurt out,
And I am laid bare,
Naked and unadorned
With a dawn clear of nemesis
I am there in the empty courtroom
Exiled from the rest
Like a ghost in the open
A prisoner in the courtroom.