I would rather not say

I didn’t choose this path
This society injected me
When I was half inside my mother’s womb
And I hadn’t even inhaled a single breath

I was taught to pretend
Shoving a cloth down my throat
I had to put my voice down and hold my screams.

Just trying to flower, I tried to roost down a tree’s shed
A wind from 16 blew me off, rather unintentionally
I haven’t been able to find a shed since
I try and the same society tells me, “You are doing it wrong”.

Years passed by….

It was me lying on my deathbed
Waiting for someone’s approval to take my final breath
Expecting someone to hold my hand while I walked a long path to the cremation ground
Checking in to see if the person carrying me was smiling.

The clothes were off and I was afraid that someone would judge
The mantras filled the air and cries played like they were a symphony to my deaf ear
The river calling me with its waves
While I was waiting for a hero to take me back home.

The stage was set, and ghee was poured
Sun ready to burn me and winds prepared to blow me off
Like I never existed, did I?
Vultures, excited for fresh blood and soil to get what rightfully is its, back.
While I was busy counting the number of people that came to see me.

I didn’t see you and pleaded fire to hold on a second
My eyes were desperate and my mind overthinking
A final goodbye and a sign that you would wait
But I was too tiny for fire to hear my cries.

My head was off, and my body was burnt
Air was filled with freshness and rivers smiled again
Helpless I lay there with a drop tear
While my heart pounded for my being and love
Which was always just there.